Jomul7

trying to learn to say ah to things. trying to learn how to spell my name. For now, I'm just another wordsmith.
None of these images are my own.

Ask and you shall receive
Submit and surrender!

At work, I don’t exist. I am a badge with arms and legs that gets called here and there. Sometimes the customer ventures into my personal bubble:

“Who are you?”

“Where are you from?”

so I wear my business smile and answers business like the land that birthed me and whether they are satisfied or not, I move on with the next task while their minds try to wrap themselves around the concept that just left them. Some remain puzzled and can’t reconcile “Africa” (yes, sometimes that’s all they need/want to know and yes sometimes that’s all I want/need them to know) with the person standing in front of them and every time I service them, their faces have questions their mouths don’t dare to ask.

“Who are you?”

“Where are you from?”

my job requires that I violate their personal spaces every time so in exchange, I disclose with open heart a few things about me. I know that I am not a number, a statistic, an image, a name because I don’t know where I start or end even if every second of my life could be recorded from birth to death.

I don’t like and like my job. The protocol and the surface have allowed me to observe literally at close hand race relations and the lies and truths of the human body and how much we just don’t know and that’s okay too.

At work, I exist because I choose to perform every gesture and leave it open to be accepted or rejected.

Posted at 11:28pm and tagged with: prose, personal, existence, etre, vivre, jobs, performance, labor, identity, life, origin,.

The sun sprinkled rays all around us as we sat at the balcony. The storm inside us seemed to have passed away. A gentle breeze coated our necks for a moment. A short, sweet moment to be swept aside by the train of traffic jams, departures without good byes, tv and radio noises and the rumble of troubled souls. We scratched the ache for skin to skin contact with the latest, shiny toy. Eye candy for heartache.

The walls of our house cracked from our screams and moans. We weren’t good at channeling unless we wanted to rub off our stench. Last time I saw you, we stood at both ends of the hallways, unsure of the distance between us because of all the chaos and beauty we have created over the years. But with the abyss sucking me slowly, you lit up my soul with your smile:

I want an encore.

Posted at 5:07am and tagged with: prose, creative writing, personal, I dunno what this is,.

My craving for Justice seems meaningless at best. I don’t go around measuring everything I have and I am to share it with my “neighbor” who is in need wherever I go. I always complain of not having enough time to care, to love even myself that I don’t do justice even to my abilities. And yet I pray to lady Justice weekly, hoping she would send flames and destruction to those who wreak havoc in my country, without realizing that her visits wouldn’t end there, but would spread to everyone included me. 

One always has to eat his words so make sure they are sweet and small otherwise you would be choking on them. My thirst for Justice in this unjust world must be quenched in small, local doses and if I am to ever meet Her, I don’t think I would be worthy to sustain her gaze seeing how unfair I am in what I do or say. Like the apostle said and this is a paraphrase: “The good I love I don’t do, but the evil I hate is what I do”

Posted at 2:02am and tagged with: prose, reflections, personal, justice, equality, random thoughts,.

You can’t hear my voice because I can’t even pick up the frequency on which it’s emitting. Believe me when I say that I have tried. I have circled planets, stars, universes, above and below, searching and knocking so that I could capture my voice for you. You always ask “What do you mean?” and you can’t hear the sound of my heart breaking in pieces. I have tried pressing my thoughts on you without success, I always hit a wall for some reasons, but you reassure me that you love me as if that was enough. I know you want the moon and until I serve it to you on a platter nothing else would do. Not this broken voice, not our lips and hips locking, not the flowers blooming and the earth moaning. Just the sight of God in your eyes when I sing this heart of mine.

Posted at 4:59am and tagged with: prose, love, creative writing, voice, relationships, personal, spilled ink,.

There are doors and windows within oneself that one has never opened for fear of the smell, the corpses, the deaths that have taken place there. And everytime I wake up, I walk quickly past those doors, blocking my ears from hearing any growl or inhuman scream coming from there. Anyways the rest of the house enjoys light, laughter, love and peace, why would I awaken the  dormant volcano?

But the God above has heard the outcry from the land begging to be cleansed by blood and fire so here I stand, my hands on the handle, feeling eternity pass by, ready to open what was closed even it means the death of me.

Posted at 4:24am and tagged with: prose, creative writing, personal, identity,.

some days I wear a smile and walk around my world with my chest open, guts spilling out, blood dripping and I tip my hat to people I pass by and say: “How do you do, friend? Charming day, isn’t it?”

Posted at 10:30pm and tagged with: random, prose, creative writing, personal, yes it hurts,.

Dementia, reality and truth (3)


Non verbal communication which is the first and most hard wired communication for humans should always be relied upon to transmit reassurance and concern when logic and rhetoric have failed repeatedly.

The amazing thing about body language and non verbal communication, is that they are deciphered without any active participation of the person and thus the demented or the delusional doesn’t have to be conscious that such and such emotion is being displayed to understand them, they just do or don’t.

It gets complicated when traumatic events of the past have twisted interpretations of body language and led the traumatized to accept abnormal behavior as normal. This has led people to seek physical, psychological and even sexual abuse just to feel normal, but that’s what the brainwashing of traumatic events do.

Being aware that we share different realities, truths and social language is necessary to live in society. It doesn’t spare one from having frustrations and feeling the need to resort to drastic measures when confronted to different realities or truths, but staying aware of one’s own assumptions about people and the world around us somehow alleviates said need.

Posted at 9:56pm and tagged with: dementia, reality, truth, prose, personal, body language, trauma, society, la fin, i used thus so nerdy lol,.

Dementia, Reality and Truth (2)


The small truth is that you never lose your grip on reality completely, fragments remain in the clouds of your brain and account for the fractions of lucidity that demented patients experience because everything never really goes away completely. In those fragments, the personality remains and those hard wired emotional behavior still come to life whenever people express the right combination of attitudes that the demented brain interprets and reacts without relying on a willful consent of the person.

Language happens to be the bridge that connects all those fragments and make sense of one’s reality. It’s not the best one to use or to rely on when one needs to convey one’s reality, but it was the one tool given to us as children to make sense of the world around us. So when we disconnect from our surroundings, the brain goes on using language to express a reality that may or may not match with the present.

Posted at 10:00am and tagged with: prose, nonfiction, personal, truth, dementia, language, psychology,.

A series on dementia, reality and truth


She was 86 years old and kept reliving her teenager years when she babysat babies for the lady of the house and was now infuriated that the lady of the house had failed to mention that all these people will be coming and going in her house. Her father was not going to be pleased when he heard how she was being treated.


Dementia appears to me to be a circle bound by a specific time zone and place with people from Present “refusing” to play their parts in the circle that the “demented” person has created.

The only reason we know ourselves as sane and the other person as insane is because we share the same reality which could be measured and proved by facts and yet her reality remains as valid as ours even though it’s stuck on a replay of some beautiful and traumatic moments….

Beneath the coarse and rough skin of Reality, we find the elusive and yet undeniable presence of experience. These experiences continually clash with reality on who is to have the driver’s seat and when a wrong turn is taken because either you lose control of your mind or external forces distracted you from your path, it might take a while or never for you to find it again…

Posted at 8:40pm and tagged with: prose, nonfiction, personal, reflections, thoughts, reality, truth, dementia,.

Between the melodic voice ondulating inside me and the crooked, deep bass, “African” voice that comes out whenever I speak, I feel myself doubled wherever I go.

it’s not just the fact that I think and dream in French, a language that doesn’t mean to me what it means to the people I meet. It’s not Paris, liberte, fraternite et egalite or love ballads a l’accordeon. It’s always been a social marker for me. The way one drives by in a luxurious car, I deployed French among my peers, using vocabulary gleaned from books they are not familiar with.

French was my peacock’s tail and oh how I liked to flaunt it but I knew, yes I knew I couldn’t fly like them birds up in the sky, navigating the air pathways but believe me when I say that you just don’t know how lonely it can be to have these pretty tails but no wind to kiss them…

Posted at 8:28am and tagged with: creative writing, lit, prose, French, language, native tongue, personal,.